Sometimes, relationships may not always work out as well as we initially expected them to, or thought they would. What happens then? Keep dragging it on? Or confront your partner to let them know it’s over? With Valentine’s Day now past us, there may be quite a few of us wanting to breakup with our partners, but not knowing the right way to do it.
Here, Read Scoops gives you 10 tips that you should follow while breaking up. Remember, you don’t want to hurt the person and you must ensure you end this relationship (or all) very carefully. If you have any to add to our list, don’t forget to comment and let us know at the bottom of this article.
1) Do it at the right time
Always ensure that it’s the right time to end a relationship, as the last thing you want to do is breakup before important moments in your partner’s life, such as before an exam, when someone close to them has died, before their birthday or on any other holidays. Also, ensure they aren’t emotionally vulnerable when you plan to do it.
2) Always in person
Emails, texts, WhatsApp, G-chat? No, won’t do.
Always break-up in person, where both parties have a chance to share their feelings. If you’ve been in a relationship where there have been a lot of in-person memories shared, then an in-person closure is also required. Yes, it’s easier to be done over text but a face-to-face breakup is the right thing to do. Always!
3) ‘Never’ and ‘Always’
Please avoid using words like ‘always’ and ‘never’. There’s no need to say stuff like “You’re always spending more time with him/her”, or “You always hurt me” or “You never do the right things”. These words imply accusations and faults, and shows that your partner has never been able to learn from mistakes.
4) Don’t compare
The last thing anyone wants is to be compared to someone else. Don’t breakup with your partner citing that your ex boyfriend/girlfriend was much better (in any way), or don’t compare your relationship to other relationships which are working out better than your own. A healthy relationship, or even a healthy fight, requires empathy and comparisons to an ex are anything but empathetic.
Also, comparisons to an ex will make your partner only feel worse about something that they probably already had insecurities about.
5) Be honest
Be honest, but not brutally honest.
A very important part of breaking up is being honest with your partner. Be very clear about the reasons you want to break-up and don’t hide behind stupid excuses. However, choose your words wisely. If there is something that bugs you about him/her but saying it may hurt him/her, think about whether you really should be saying it.
6) Be respectful
An important part of breaking up is being respectful and not hurtful, even if you’re breaking up because your partner hurt you in the first place. A healthy breakup shouldn’t consist of accusations, naming calling and needless arguments. Stick to the point and express your feelings without getting carried away.
7) “It’s not you, it’s me.”
While we suggest you mean these words, please do not use the exact words. These words are exactly what would come out of a classic player’s mouth. However, make sure you get reasons across as to why you may be the bad person for this relationship, and how you haven’t done much right, rather than putting it on your partner.
8) Don’t say I hate you
When the time for a breakup arrives there are a lot of chances that it may not go as smoothly as you planned it in your head. Chances are that the talk may lead into an argument and then later into a fight. People say things they don’t mean in a fight so avoid the ‘I hate you’ if things do get heated.
You know you don’t mean it. Deep down, you know you could never be with a person you ‘hate’.
9) Show signs
Over the days/weeks, please send a few hints that you may not be liking the relationship as much as you did earlier. Talk a bit less, meet less, have fun a bit less. It will become easier for your partner to digest when you actually drop the bomb on him/her. The last thing you need to do is go out, enjoy a beautiful candle-light dinner or have fun at a movie, and then come and end the relationship.
10) Don’t cause damage
Ultimately, remember that you want to walk out of the relationship without leaving behind any scars or bitterness. You want to be remembered as a good person when this partner ever thinks about you in the future. Accusations or statements that will hurt him/her should be avoided as these things will play in their minds for a very long time, even when they enter other relationships in the future. Be nice!
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